Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
