This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
