I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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