I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
