So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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