Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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