it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
