I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
