I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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