I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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