Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
