I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
