We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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