I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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