My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
