She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
