He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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