Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
