smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We had to coat check the pizza.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
