i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
