also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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