dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
