i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
