Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
