the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
