you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
