What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
