I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
