peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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