now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
