My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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