Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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