good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
