I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
