just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
