he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
