He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
