So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
