I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
