was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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