And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
