He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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