Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize