I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
