A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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