piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
