She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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