currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
