I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
