The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
