I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
