dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
