Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
