I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
