He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
