did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
