you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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