She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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