Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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