you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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