So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
