so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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