just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
