so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
