Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
