Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
