don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize