We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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