Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
