I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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