and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
