I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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