Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
