you would pick up someone in the library
Barsexuality is the new black.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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