I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
