hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I did not marry a roomba.
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