I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
