a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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