I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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