i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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