fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
