the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
