does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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