I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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