I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
