i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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