I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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