I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
