the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
