Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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