TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
