the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
