:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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