I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
