hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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